My precious ruby
by nim draug
Summary: Legolas finds a lost young dwarf whilst on a hunt. Gimli laughs at the concept of Legolas playing the role of a father. The idea becomes more favourable when he finds out she is his daughter! Is our favourite dwarf father material?


**I was more than a little unsure of how to write this chapter but this is what I've come up with. Please R&R and tell me what you think. (**_**italics=thoughts**_**)**

It was in an old pub in Bree where this story began, 'The Prancing Pony' to be exact where the dwarves had just happened to find on their little detour they decided to take: they were in no rush whatsoever to trade with the elves of Mirkwood.

Gimli, son of Gloin, was the chosen leader for this trip which removed any feeling of suprise when he _demanded_ a drinking contest.

Oh, and weren't they all happy to oblige. Pints upon pints of Ale flowed through their veins as the night grew ever closer.

And others were closing in.

But they payed these newcomers no heed – well until Gimli thought he'd make himself known by pointing at the men and slurring, "Ahahahaha... Oh it's the dwarves that go swimming – with little hairy women!" as if boasting of a much better life. The dwarves responded with cheers and the men could only grunt with disapproval.

"So Gimli", it was Boven, an older, mischievous dwarf, "What about not so hairy women?"

"What about 'em?"

"D'ya like 'em"

"Naaaah..."

"What, too big for ya?"

"Shit no! I prefer the more independent, feisty type. There's no stronger woman than a dwarven lass."

"Naaah you couldn't handle one of the big ladies. You only take things in small packages, makes you look bigger. Take this journey for example, you're the leader yes but we're not doing anything heroic, just a trade. But you'll go home and claim you were the leader that faced the elves and make yourself look like the King of the pride. The branch is bigger than the leaves Gimli but you're nothing compared to a whole forest."

"Leaves? Branches- you sound like a fucking elf! What's wrong with you? Comparing one of our own to some human whore and claiming the latter to be better!"

"How do you know they aren't better? You're old fashioned Gimli, never exploring beyond what is claimed as 'right'. These big folk have a bigger everything" he winked and leaned forward, "and I mean everything."

Gimli pondered the idea but couldn't remove the feeling of disgust from within. But his dignity was at stake, his reputation, "D'ya know what? I'm gonna bag myself a human whore and prove to myself and every dwarf standing before me tonight that bigger ain't better!"

And with that he took off, heading towards a woman in red who had been eyeing him up all night, "Why you looked much taller from a distance sir."

_That wasn't an insult was it? No, she's a whore, she's leading you on. So she thinks you're small – turn that into a good thing._

"Well, that's an advantage you don't come across often is it?"

_Did I just say that? God why don't I just cringe for her?_

But his words seemed to work, "What room are you sleeping in tonight sir?", she licked her lips, "I'm sure that getting to know such an interesting creature should be done in private."

_Creature! What a bitch – Ok, OK, I doubt anyone treats her with respect so can you blame her? Look she wants you to bang her, even if it is only for the money so just go with it. _

"Well, why don't I show you lass? Why wait 'til later?"

_Why not get it over and done with more like!_

She licked her lips again, "Ok hot stuff, but only after you've taken your medicine" she handed him a small vial, "It's a sort of contraceptive."

_Hell no! Once your little soldiers start marching in the wrong direction, who knows when they'll turn back, _"There's no need for that."

"Why not sugar? I pleasure only – I'm not a baby maker"

_Oh shit, think of something..._

"Well, I'm a dwarf aren't I? And you're a human – if you put a cat and a dog together you wouldn't get any offspring would ya?"

"I suppose not – fair enough honey, cough up your coins and I'll take you for a ride."

_My God this one's stupid: we're different races not different species! Never mind – as long as that poison is kept well away. As for the kid thing – surely she'd have her own contraception. I know I won't have been the only one to refuse to become infertile for a quickie. No...if she doesn't want a kid, she would have sorted herself something out. _

...

She wasn't bad... not brilliant, but she wouldn't be present in any of his nightmares. In fact, there was nothing memorable about anything she did..._too big for me my ass!_

_..._

When the screams and curses from the mother ended, the wails of her child began.

"Congratulations Miss, you have a little girl," the midwife beamed, handing her her child.

She plastered a smile onto her face, "Wonderful."

_That bastard – no offspring my ass!_


End file.
